Ani Ohevet Otach
by ExLibris3
Summary: Ziva struggles with her feelings for Abby. Will she confess them, before her heart breaks to pieces? And are they answered? Femmeslash. Written for the NFA Secret Santa.


_**Ani Ohevet Otach**_

_**Category1: Femmeslash**__**  
Category2: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Abby, Ziva  
Pairing(s): Zabby**_

**_A/N: This story is written for Nepeace as a Secret Santa on NFA._**

_**Chapter 1**_

The scented candles cast a warm light in the otherwise dark bathroom and filled it up with a soothing and calming scent of roses and cinnamon. Ziva David slipped out of her silky bathrobe and slowly began to immerse herself into the hot water. Her skin burned, but she didn't think much about it, just rested her back as comfortably as possible against the brim of the bathtub. She closed her eyes and inhaled the scent, trying to relax after another rough week at work. Her assignment to NCIS had both its upsides and downsides. It was different from Mossad, and due to that it had taken her some time to get accustomed to this, for her, new agency. But then again, if she never would have gotten here, she would not have fallen in love. A smile flashed across her lips when she thought of her love interest, thought about _her. _

Ziva opened her eyes, reached out her hand toward the filled up wineglass standing on the brim of the tub. Her hand gripped tightly around the stem of the glass as Abby Sciuto's picture floated into her mind. She stared into the dark red liquid before taking a slow sip.

'_You don't know what I would give for having you here with me now…' _she thought, directing her thoughts to Abby. _'Oh hell, I'd do anything…' _She put the glass back on the brim before sliding her body backwards until the water stood up to her throat. She closed her eyes and let her imagination run wild. Many evenings since she first met Abby Sciuto she had been doing this, fantasizing or simply dreaming about her. The next morning at work, she'd smile at the sight of her, remembering her secret desire for the other woman.

'_If only you knew what I want from you!' _her thoughts went, imagining seeing her exposed body in front of her, with the tattoos she had tricked McGee into telling her about. The spicy and sensual scent of cinnamon just helped heat up her body even more.

Taking the wineglass between her fingers again, she held it in front of her face, staring at the flame of the candle reflecting through the crystal glass. _'I need to tell you how I feel. But how the hell can I do that?' _She downed the glass of wine, trying to find a solution to her problem. She would do it. She was going to let Abby know of her feelings. She shivered slightly, despite the hot water. She feared the same thing as everyone else in love feared. _'What if she doesn't feel the same way? I don't want to get hurt!' _

'_Ah, hell! I have to tell you, I can't keep this a secret any longer! I want you too damn much!' _She closed her eyes again, the darkness, the air heavy with fragrances, the alcohol and the warm water made her feel cozy and soothed.

The hot water burned her body on the outside, but on the inside she was experiencing a whole different kind of burning sensation. Never before had another woman had that kind of affect on her.

_**Chapter 2**_

The next morning, Abby rushed into her lab, as per usual. She went through the automatically opening doors, took off her long black coat and instead put on a white lab coat. It wasn't until then she realized she'd seen something hinky on her way in. She turned on her heels and with great caution walked back into the lab. She stopped dead at the sight of the vase with black roses standing on her table.

"Who…?" she began saying, slowly stepping closer to the mysterious gift. "Where…did these come from?" she asked out loud into the empty lab. Her fingers brushed against the petals of one of the roses, they were soft as velvet. Her hand closed around the neat gift card attached to one of the stems. As she opened it to read, a faint scent of something other than the scent of the roses brushed against her face. _'Cinnamon'_, she thought as she recognized the smell.

"_I wish there was a different way for me to tell you how I feel. You are always in my mind, my love_" she read out loud off the card to herself. A smile crept onto her lips when she read. "That was sweet, but you didn't have to do this, _"my love"" _she burst out, spinning around and hurrying out of her lab.

- - -

Ziva tried to focus on work where she sat in front of her computer, but her thoughts kept moving on to Abby, and the decision she'd made last night while in the bathtub. She knew she shouldn't rush things, but her desire for the other woman was like a bomb ticking inside of her, ready to explode any day now. But Ziva knew, Abby would be worth waiting for. Her mind had completely left anything that was work related; instead she brought back a fantasy from last night. _'Mmm, I really would love to be back in that bathtub, together with you, my love…'_

"McGee!" Ziva's thoughts were interrupted by a loud voice, a voice she recognized immediately, because it was that voice that she would imagine whispering her name during the nights, the raspy voice she had come to find so attractive. She looked up just in time to see Abby rush past her. She silently wondered what was so important. The next second her heart froze in her chest at the sight of Abby, throwing herself into McGee's arms. _'What is going on?'_ she thought, feeling a small sting in her heart.

"Abby!" McGee said, looking just as surprised as Ziva felt. Though a small smile had slipped across his lips when the forensics scientist had her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "What's going on?"

"You didn't have to do this, Tim. I _loved_ the flowers" Ziva just managed to prevent a loud protest from slipping between her lips at Abby's words. _'The roses…She thinks they're from McGee…Of course she'd think that, she would never suspect they're from me…How stupid am I? She doesn't feel the same as I do…'_

"Abby…" a confused look had replaced the smile on McGee's face "What flowers?"

Abby withdrew herself from his embrace and stared at him, frowning slightly. "It wasn't you who left a bouquet of black roses in my lab?" she asked, dumb-struck and somewhat embarrassed.

"Nope, I didn't" he replied, shaking his head slowly and watched Abby press her lips tightly together. After thinking for a while, she held up her hands into the air, "Gibbs" she said before taking off just as fast as she had come, leaving McGee with a confused expression on his face and mouth slightly open, as if he had just been about to say something. Ziva skillfully masked her disappointment and pretended to go back to work. Though all she could make herself do was to stare into the screen, not even seeing the letters in front of her. All she saw in her mind was the look on Abby's face, both the happy look she'd worn thinking the roses where from McGee, and the surprised expression she'd shown finding out they weren't.

"Ziva…_Ziva!"_ McGee's voice finally got through to her, and she could almost feel her fingers itching to smack the back of his head for stealing her love. _'No, it is not his fault. I cannot blame him!'_ she reprimanded herself, though she still clenched her fist tightly until she felt her nails dig into her palm so deep it actually hurt. But it still couldn't distract her from her aching heart.

"What, McGee?" she snapped furiously, instantly regretting the tone she'd used with him upon seeing his hurtful expression. But she was way too hurt herself to even muster up a simple apology.

"I was just going to ask whether you knew who sent Abby the roses" he replied in a low voice, realizing she, for some reason that was beyond him, was very upset, and he was not intending on experiencing the wrath of Ziva David.

"I don't" she answered shortly, voice a little softer this time, before abruptly rising from her chair, acknowledging she had to go to the ladies room, intentionally avoiding further conversation. She blew past Tony on her way, without as much as glancing at him, storming off toward the ladies room. Tony's goofy smile was replaced by a puzzled look as his gaze traveled from Ziva leaving in a hurry to McGee, who wore an expression similar to his.

"What's with her?" Tony asked, settling down at his desk.

"Don't know, and didn't dare to ask. But I'd say she's pretty upset over something" a slight hint of worry could be detected in McGee's voice, which Tony easily picked up on.

"Upset? No kidding" he replied sarcastically, then added more seriously "Don't worry about her, Probie, she'll be fine." Though Tony could not help but wondering himself what was up with Ziva. He'd noticed earlier how her behavior had changed slowly over the past few weeks, but he had never seen her like this before. He could not see what was going on in her heart; because it was there he figured her problem lay. A question about it she would never answer truthfully. But by this point, he knew her pretty well, and therefore he had the knowledge she was not one to ask for help, or speak openly about her personal feelings. He just hoped her heart wouldn't destroy her.

- - -

In the ladies room, Ziva's hands gripped tightly on either side of the basin. _'Come on Ziva! What's happening to you?' _She tried to reason with herself, she never let her feelings affect her like this, why now? _'Because I need you! I need you to love me, and I need to show my love for you. I need to touch you, let my fingers trail over your tattoos…You don't know of my feelings, because I can't tell you. I won't hurt myself like that.' _

She met her own gaze in the mirror above the basin; she found a lost tear silently sliding down her cheek. She watched in the mirror how it dripped from her face, she felt it when it left her skin and fell, landing on the back of her hand. _'__Ani ohevet otach'_ she thought, letting out a loud sigh, just as the door burst open. Ziva looked up into the mirror, she almost chocked on her own breath when she saw Abby entering. _'You've got to be kidding!'_ Abby merely smiled as she took her place at the basin next to Ziva.

"Hey Ziva" she greeted her.

"Abby" Ziva replied, struggling to keep her voice steady as she already had turned her face away, trying to hide the fact that she'd been crying. Though the tension audible in Ziva's voice didn't pass Abby unnoticed.

"Are you alright?" her gentle voice reached Ziva's ears. Just hearing the softness, the knowledge that if she just reached out her hand, she would feel her skin underneath her fingertips, her cheerful spirit and energy, made her legs feel like jelly, she was ready to collapse into Abby's arms any second now. _'Yes, of course I'm fine; I'm having you by my side. No, I am definitely not fine, I'm standing so close to you, yet I cannot have you!' _she had to leave before she would lose control over herself. Before, she had been alright with loving her from a distance, but now her feelings had passed beyond that, and she wanted something more, something real.

"I'm fine" she mumbled for an answer, and then she quickly turned her back toward the other woman and left in a hurry. She went straight toward the elevator; with unnecessary force she pressed the down button. _'Damn it…damn it. Don't be such a coward, Ziva! Just say it already! I…I can't…' _her thoughts were interrupted by the ding acknowledging the doors opening. Without looking up, she moved to step inside. Instead, she walked straight into the director, who was on her way out into the squad-room.

"Ziva!" Jenny called out in surprise, catching the younger woman just in time before she would fall helplessly onto the floor. Ziva could feel Jenny's hands gripping tightly onto her upper arms, holding her steadily in place. She felt her female curves against her own body, the warmth and scent of another body. It made her long even more for Abby, made her blood rush and she felt her cheeks heat up. Without meeting her gaze, Ziva gently pushed Jenny away from her.

"Thanks Jen" she mumbled, stepping past her and disappearing though the closing doors. In the cramped space inside the elevator, she reached out her hand to hit the power switch. _'If Gibbs can get away with it, so can I' _

She leaned her forehead against the cool metal wall. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd felt her cheeks heat up, she _never _blushed. She could feel her body slowly cooling down after the intense moment when she'd felt Jenny's body pressed against hers. _'I need some time alone…Need to think this through…' _

She turned around, leaning her back against the wall, closing her eyes. _'If she would ask me if I sent the roses, I will confess my feelings.' _She finally reached a conclusion, opened her eyes to turn the power back on, and then she pressed the button that would take her down to Abby's lab.

_**Chapter 3**_

Entering the lab, Ziva noticed there was no music playing, which she thought was odd for many reasons. _'Maybe she's not here…'_ But the lack of music became even stranger when she spotted the forensics scientist sitting on a chair in the lab, head in hands and with a defeated look on her face she stared at the vase of black roses standing in front of her. She glanced backward at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Hey Ziva" she sighed, lowering her gaze onto the table again, where Ziva noticed the card lay.

"Hi Abby" she greeted, and then gesturing toward the roses, she said "You still haven't found out who sent you them?" her voice was surprisingly steady, which she was quite grateful for.

"Nope." She put her hands out in a defeated gesture. "I mean, it doesn't make any sense! It's not McGee, Gibbs or Ducky; I've asked all of them! I even asked Tony, he didn't do it either." She rested her head in her hands again, staring at the roses.

'_Ask me, and I won't lie to you, my love!' _

"This is ridiculous; who would send someone rose without signing their name on the card?" Abby continued, talking more to herself than Ziva.

'_Someone who doesn't want her heart to break completely' _Ziva thought sadly, hurt that Abby didn't ask if they were from her.

"I can't think of anyone who would do this to me, not under these circumstances." She paused before adding,"It wasn't you, was it?" she turned her head around, only to find the lab empty. "I guess not then"

- - -

Ziva had stormed out of the lab at the words _"I can't think of anyone…"_ the rest of the sentence she hadn't bothered to listen to, she just needed to get away. Ziva returned to her desk, her heart practically numb by now. She decided to bury herself in some of the amazingly boring deskwork she still had left.

This night, Ziva did not go home. She sat by her desk, doing paperwork until the others went home. Both Tony and McGee had been stunned by her work determination, Ziva was known for hating the deskwork part of this job. Gibbs had said he was glad that at least someone was working around here, but he too secretly wondered what was up with her.

At 23h00 she stopped working, she had finally managed to shake Gibbs off; he'd been persistent to find out what it was that bothered her. She claimed it was nothing. In the end she had told him she was having some personal problems, and that she did not wish to discuss them. That had made him nod, bid her good night and finally leave the office.

Now she slouched back in her chair, staring at the boring screensaver that had popped up on her computer screen. Her thoughts were with Abby, as they had been every night for the last couple of months. At 1am, sleep took over her exhausted mind.

_**Chapter 4**_

Ziva woke with a start, she glared at the source of the horrifying noise, Tony coming in and singing "Santa Clause is coming to town" at the top of his lunges.

"_**Tony!**_" Ziva shouted, her voice hoarse and sleepily. Still, it had a surprisingly good effect. Tony spun around, looking startled at the sight of her.

"Ziva, what the hell…" he broke off, taking in the full sight of her. Her hair was a complete mess, make-up was smudged around her eyes and she wore the same clothes as yesterday. He noticed she was red-eyed and looked a bit drowsy.

"Ziva, did you even go home last night?" he asked, putting his Christmas spirit away for a second.

"No, I didn't" she snapped, quickly rising from her seat. "If you'll excuse me, I will go and wash up" she added and stormed off toward the ladies room. Tony frowned over her weird behavior, and then began to hum low on another Christmas song while settling down at his desk.

- - -

'_I can't live like this any longer…I have to tell you, hopefully you'll feel the same…Well, even if you don't, I have said it…'cause I can't stand to keep it to myself for much longer…__'_ Ziva splashed water in her face, washing off the last remnants of sleep. _'I'll tell her I sent her the roses…Yes, I have to do that.'_ She snatched a piece of paper and dabbed her face dry, threw the paper in the garbage and on shaking legs headed toward the elevator.

Inside the elevator, she hit the power switch numerous times, and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for being such a coward when it came to feelings. _'But I can't stand the pain of a broken heart' _She switched the power back on, the next second the door opened up on the floor where Abby's lab lay. Ziva took a deep breath to steady herself, and when she was positive she could pull through, she began walking toward the lab.

- - -

Abby sat by her desk in the room behind the lab. Music was on, so loud she didn't even hear Ziva entering. She had spent the morning putting up Christmas decorations all over her lab, black and red tinsel hung all over the place, along with other various decorations, and mistletoes. Ziva noticed the black roses she'd sent, they were standing in the same place as yesterday.

"Abby…Abby!" she called over the noise, though the Goth didn't appear to hear her. Frustrated, she walked through the already opened doors, and turned down the volume. That caught Abby's attention. She spun around in her chair and her gaze found the newcomer.

"Ziva!" she burst out in surprise "What are you doing here so early? Did Gibbs send you?"

"No, he didn't send me…" Ziva trailed off, her heartbeats increased at the sight of Abby looking so…completely attractive. She had to turn around, walked back out into the lab and stopped by the table with the roses. With shaking hands she picked up the card. She stared at the letters, but didn't have to read them to know exactly what they said. She remembered it had taken her many tries to come up with the best way to describe her feelings; the one thing Ziva David was not good at was her own feelings. She remembered ending the message with _"my love"_, and that was exactly how she used to think about Abby.

"You still don't know who sent them?" her voice shook slightly; her fingertips gently grazed the soft petals.

"No, I don't" Abby answered softly. Ziva got a little startled; the answer came from right behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Abby stand only a few feet away. The now familiar heat spread through her body, giving her heart a little jolt.

"I do" she whispered, grazing her thumb over the words _"my love"_ on the card. Abby didn't answer. "It was me" she breathed, without looking at Abby; she began walking around in the lab.

"But…why?" Abby's weak voice reached her ears. _'I would just have to tell you the truth…'_ she reasoned with herself. She would not lie to her beloved.

"Because…" her voice broke again. She gestured widely with her hands, but no words came over her lips. She came to a halt by the automatic doors, leaning her back against the wall she glanced over at Abby, who was approaching her.

"Because you like me?" she asked tentatively, slowly stepping closer to the Israeli.

"Yes" Ziva whispered, closing her eyes. "Yes, I do like you. A lot." She opened her eyes, only to find Abby beaming at her. The wide smile on Abby's lips stunned her. _'Maybe…maybe there's a possibility she does feel something for me after all…'_ Her thoughts were interrupted by Abby's voice again.

"Look where you are standing" she said, pointing at something above Ziva's head. Ziva looked up, and there, above the doors, almost directly above her, hung a mistletoe. She lowered her gaze to Abby again; one of her eyebrows was raised.

"So…?" she asked, not understanding what Abby meant. Abby patiently grabbed Ziva by the wrists and pulled her out, the two women stood together under the mistletoe.

"It's a mistletoe. You don't know what happens when two people stand under the mistletoe at Christmas?" she asked, staring into Ziva's dark brown eyes.

"No. I'm not really familiar with all these American traditions and…" she was abruptly cut off, a burning heat rushed through her entire body. Surely she'd dreamed about this often, but in reality, Abby's kisses were much more intense then she ever could have imagined. Ziva didn't hesitate before slipping her hands around the other woman's waist, pulling her closer to herself, kissing her back. Abby was the one to pull away first. She buried her face in Ziva's neck and inhaled her scent. It brought a smile upon her face.

"You smell of cinnamon" she said, raising her head again, meeting Ziva's gaze. "Just like the card from the roses. Of course it has to be from you"

"Ani ohevet otach" Ziva said, and at the sight of Abby's puzzled look, she added softly "It means 'I love you' in Hebrew."

"So…How do I say 'I love you too' in Hebrew?" Abby asked, her hands resting on Ziva's hips.

"You could just say it in English" Ziva giggled, smiling widely as Abby bent forward to give her another heated kiss, under the mistletoe.

_**Chapter 5**_

Ziva turned out the lights and instead lit a bunch of her scented candles standing on the counter in her bathroom. She smiled at the woman in front of her; an equally wide smile was etched upon her face. Abby let the silky black robe slip down her shoulders, it landed in a dark heap at her feet. Ziva let her gaze travel down her body, she was so beautiful. Abby took a step closer to her, put her hands to her shoulders and gently pushed off her own emerald green robe. In the candle light, Ziva's skin shimmered in faint gold. She pulled her fingers through her curly, loose hair, finally resting her hand on the back of her neck, pulling her forward until their lips met. Abby's tongue slipped over Ziva's, feeling and tasting her newfound lover. Ziva responded with such passion and force they almost fell over. They pulled away, laughing.

"How about we get into the tub before the water gets cold?" Ziva suggested, smiling. She watched as Abby turned around to head for the tub, her eyes found the tattoo on her back. _'I finally get to feel your skin against mine, my love' _she thought happily, _'I can finally love you for real'_

"Hey, are you planning on joining me?" Abby's giggle reached her ears, and she pushed her thoughts away, sending off a wide smile toward her lover. Abby was sitting in the middle of the tub, waiting for Ziva to climb down opposite of her. But before joining her, she poured two glasses of red wine, setting them down on the brim of the tub before finally immersing her body into the hot water. She handed one of the glasses to Abby.

"To us" she said, raising her glass. Abby clinked hers against it, before taking a long sip. When the glasses were put back on the brim of the tub, Ziva tugged Abby toward her, intertwining her fingers with hers.

"Come here" she mumbled as she felt Abby's hand trail up her hip. Abby easily slid on top of her; Ziva enjoyed the light pressure of her body against hers. _'I can't believe it! I finally have you, and I'm not intending on letting you go anytime soon, my love!' _Ziva thought, just before she let out a low moan as Abby's lips trailed across her shoulder. Abby smiled into her neck as the scent of the candles had begun to spread all through the room. Cinnamon. It was a spicy and heated scent, but also reminded her it was Christmas Eve. And this was probably the best early Christmas present she could get.

"Ziva…" she whispered into her ear, her breath hot against her skin. Ziva gave up another moan as Abby continued whispering. "The roses you gave me…just know I was hoping they'd be from you…Have you any idea for how long I've been wanting to do this with you?"

"As long as I have?" Ziva replied. Her heart had taken a violent jolt at the other woman's words. She was about to say something, but her words got stuck in her throat as Abby had resumed kissing Ziva's skin. Ziva's hands sneaked around her waist, roaming up and down her back, her nails grazing her wet skin. Abby's lips left a burning trail from Ziva's neck to her mouth, where she gave her a deep, heated kiss with their tongues dancing together. Meanwhile, her hand slipped down Ziva's stomach, reaching her upper thigh. Ziva's blood rushed at the feeling of the hand, teasing her with being so close. Reluctantly, she gently pushed her away from the kiss, a moment later she had her mouth to Abby's ear.

"Yes, my love" she breathed "I need you, I want you…" her breathing became heavier as Abby obeyed to her lover's wish, slipping her hand up deeper between her legs.

"Merry Christmas, my love" Abby whispered as Ziva let out an ecstatic moan in delight. She continued to kiss her, lick her and touch her body until she had her shrieking out with pleasure.

- - -

More candles were lit, casting a golden light and filling the air with warmth and sweet scents of vanilla and cinnamon in Ziva's living room. One the floor stood an empty wine bottle and on the table two empty glasses.

Ziva sat on the couch, wearing her emerald green silk robe; her wet curls were draped over her shoulders. Abby lay across the couch, her head resting comfortably in Ziva's lap, smiling up at her lover. Ziva warmed her hands around a cup of hot cocoa, spiced with cinnamon and ginger. Abby's cup had been put onto the table. They rested in silence, just enjoying the atmosphere and the magic of the moment.

Abby suddenly reached out her hand, enclosing it around Ziva's wrist. She let go of the cup and allowed her to bring down her hand. Abby intertwined her fingers with Ziva's, a still smile playing on her lips. The Israeli's eyes glistened in the candle light, looking down at the playful Goth with affection.

"I'm really happy, Ziva" Abby was the first one to break the silence, and in the way she did it put an even wider smile onto Ziva's face.

"I'm happy too. I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't taken the step and told you how I felt. I was just afraid you wouldn't feel the same way" she confessed, her smile melted away as she continued "I was afraid of getting hurt"

Abby thought for a second, then she slowly sat up, reaching out for Ziva's hand again, their intertwined hands resting in Ziva's lap. Their eyes met.

"I'm not going anywhere" she assured her, gently reaching forward to take the cup from Ziva's other hand, placing it on the table. "Not for a long, long time. And I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true." Abby leaned forward, brushing her lips softly against Ziva's.

"I believe you" she replied, catching her lip between her teeth. Abby pecked her lips once again before pulling away.

"Ani ohevet otach" she said in Hebrew, as Ziva had taught her.

"Ani Yoda'at" Ziva replied with a laugh. _"I know" _

_Ani LeDodi __veDodi Li – I am My Beloved's and My Beloved is mine_


End file.
